Islamic JOKES

Mulla Nasruddin and Three Wise Men

One day some wise men, what were going about the country trying to find answers to some of the great questions of their time, came to Mulla Nasruddin’s district and asked to see the wisest man in the place. Mulla Nasruddin was brought forward and a big crowd gathered to listen.

The first wise man began by asking, "Where is the exact center of the world?"

"It is under my right heel," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"How can you prove that?" asked the first wise man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "measure and see."

The first wise man had nothing to answer to that, so the second wise man asked his question. "How many stars are there in the sky?" he said. "As many as there are hairs on my donkey," answered Mulla Nasruddin.

"What proof have you got of that?" asked the second wise man.

"If you don't believe me," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "count the hairs on my donkey and you will see."

"That's foolish talk," said the other. "How can one count the hairs on a donkey?"

"Well," answered Mulla Nasruddin, "How can one count the stars in the sky? If one is foolish talk, so is the other." The second wise man was silent.

The third wise man was becoming annoyed with Mulla Nasruddin and his answers, so he said, "You seem to know a lot about your donkey, so can you tell me how many hairs there are in its tail?"

"Yes," answered Mulla Nasruddin. "There are exactly as many hairs in its tail as there are in your beard."

"How can you prove that?" said the other.

"I can prove it very easily," answered Mulla Nasruddin. "You can pull one hair out of my donkey's tail for every one I pull out of your beard. If the hairs on my donkey's tail do not come to an end at exactly the same time as the hairs in your beard, I will admit that I was wrong."

Of course, the third wise man was not willing to do this, so the crowd declared Mulla Nasruddin the winner of the day's arguments.

Mulla Nasruddin and Old Grave

One day, Mulla Nasruddin said to his friends: "If I die, bury me in an old grave." "Why", asked his friends. "Because", he explained, "if the angels come, I'll tell them that I died years before and have already been questioned and then they will return the way they came."

Walnut and Pumpkin

One hot day, Mulla Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eyeing speculatively, the huge pumpkins growing on vines and the small walnuts growing on a majestic tree.

Sometimes I just can't understand the ways of God! He mused. Just fancy letting tiny walnuts grow on so majestic a tree and huge pumpkins on the delicate vines!

Just then a walnut snapped off and fell smack on Mulla Nasruddin’s bald head. He got up at once and lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said:

Oh, my God! Forgive my questioning your ways! You are all-wise. Where would I have been now, if pumpkins grew on trees!

Mulla Nasruddin and Turban

The wit and wisdom of Mulla Nasruddin never leaves him tongue-tied. One day an illiterate man came to Mulla Nasruddin with a letter he had received.

Mulla Nasruddin,  please read this letter to me. Mulla Nasruddin looked at the letter, but could not make out a single word. So he told the man.

I am sorry, but I cannot read this. The man cried:

Shame, Mulla Nasruddin! You must be ashamed before the turban you wear (i.e. the sign of education).

Mulla Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man, said:

There, now you wear the turban. If it gives some knowledge, read the letter yours

Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) and Old Woman

Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) smiled often and would make jokes with members of his community. For example, An old woman came to our Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala) that I will enter Paradise." Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) said jokingly, "O Mother of so-and-so, no old women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, after hearing from Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw). Then Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) sent one of his companions to tell her that, she will enter Paradise by becoming a young lady, because the Paradise is for only young people.

Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) said: "Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart." At another place, Holy Prophet Muhammed (saw) said: "If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much."

Imam Jafar as Sadiq (AS) said: Avoid incorrect jokes and humors, as it is the cause of enmity and grudge. Also Imam Jafar as Sadiq (AS) said: The believer’s laughter should be only a smile. At another place Imam Jafar as Sadiq (AS) said: Beware of joking, because it causes rancor and drives into malice. Joking is the lesser revilement.

Golden Telephone

An American decided to write a book about famous Mosques around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a Mosque taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to Allah. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large Mosque, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he had seen in China and he asked a nearby Holy man what its purpose was. He told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to Allah. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to India, Sri Lanka, Russia, Turkey, Israel, France, Germany.In every Mosque he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to Pakistan to see if Pakistanis had the same phone. He arrived in Pakistan, and again, in the first Mosque he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Imam, I have traveled all over World and I have seen this same golden telephone in many Mosques. I am told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere the price was $10,000 per call."

"Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You are in Pakistan now, son - it is a local call".

American way of Journalism

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero," tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl." The man says: "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: Brave American saves life of little girl" - the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" - says the man. "Oh, what are you then?" The man says: "I am a Saudi!" Then next day the newspapers say: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."

Mulla Nasruddin and Speech

Once, the people of the city invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a speech. When he got on the pulpit (Minbar), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked: "Do you know what I am going to say?" The audience replied "NO", so he announced: "I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about" and he left.

The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied "YES", So Mulla Nasruddin said, "Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time" and he left.

Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mulla to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question - "Do you know what I am going to say?" Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "YES" while the other half replied "NO". So Mulla Nasruddin said: "The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half" and he left!